lies and the truths we gain from them
by BBC-fixed
Summary: Julian needs to know how Garak feels, and Garak can't tell the truth. Luckily for them both Garak has no problems telling lies, and Julian has no problems seeing the truth hidden in them


He had known Garak for two years, been with him in the human sense (Garak would always smile when he said they were together) for slightly less than that. He knew how Garak - "Elim my dear!" - worked, hiding behind walls that were just translucent enough to hint to what was behind them, like frosted glass. It was occasionally frustrating, being talked round in circles until he could figure out what the damn man was talking about, but it was amazing too and one of the many reasons he loved the man. The only problem with loving Garak, plain and simple as he claimed to be, was that he couldn't for the life of him figure out if the feelings were returned.

He was no where near the spy Garak was, he was only beginning to learn, and although he watched Garak like a hawk he had the feeling that he was being played. Three weeks in and he had learnt nothing he didn't know already, and ending up having sex in a storage room because Garak caught him watching and played seducer. He tried hinting, waxing poetically about romance novels he had leant him, devoting an entire meal to discussion over the obliviousness of unrequited romance and still nothing. Nothing more than damn Cardassian romance novels and a smug Garak smirking at him over their breakfast.

He knew Garak knew he loved him, he had said it enough. He wasn't one for holding back with his emotions like that, his secrets were his, but his love was for all to see. He had said it multiple times, kissed it into Garaks forehead 'spoon', curled it around him like a blanket when he was sick. Still however Garak never offered anything in return, he didn't fear that there weren't feelings there, Garak would never has risked being with him if he didn't feel something, he just wasn't so sure what that something was.

Finally after three weeks and two days into his quest he gave up and simply asked, straight forward and simple over their lunch. "What do you feel for me" he asked through a mouthful of food watching gleefully as Garak looked at him horrified. Taking a careful sip of his tea he waited and watched Garak compose himself. Eventually Garak seemed to recover and replied words careful and weighted just like they always were "You've known me long enough to know better than to expect the truth from me my dear" He did know him, and knew him well enough to know that that wasn't a dismissal or a rejection rather a prodding in another direction.

Reaching out he placed his hand on Garaks stroking over the knuckles and toke a moment to be grateful they were in Garaks quarters. Gazing up through his eyelashes (something that Garak seemed to like) he asked "tell me lies then?" Immediately Garak was out of his chair, pulling him with him to the sofa. "I hate you" was pressed to his forehead as Garak straddled him, "I wish I never met you" was whispered against his cheek, "I feel nothing for you" was panted against his lips after a kiss that almost sucked his soul. "You're ugly... You're unintelligent... You're not what I wish in a partner" was murmured against his neck in between kisses and moans.

"I loath conversing with you" was breathed against his shoulders in the space of time it took to unzip his uniform, "I loath seeing you" whispered after a love bite was delivered. He was struggling to concentrate, losing grip on the purpose of this conversation. So he almost missed the words shyly (an emotion Garak rarely showed which must be why he caught it) said into his collarbone as they pressed together "I don't love you"

"I don't love you, I don't love you, I don't love you" Garak continued curling around him arms tight around his chest as they continued moving slower now "I don't love you and I'm glad I can't tell you the truth" Straining up against Garaks grip he pressed a kiss to his lips, gentle and loving "what beautiful lies you tell" he said knowing that Garak would understand, the message had been received.

Someday maybe Garak would tell the truth, maybe he wouldn't but for now he was more than content to take the lies that meant the same thing. 


End file.
